Saying Goodbye to My Tinderdiction: Five Things that Happened When I Deleted Tinder

I had an unhealthy relationship with Tinder and recently, I had to say goodbye.  Kind of for lent, but like five days late because I forgot that was a thing and also I don't see myself re-downloading it anytime soon... So in some ways, not at all for lent, but it's kind of nice to do something for lent.  It just makes me feel better about myself. I'm not even religious... what am I?

I first downloaded Tinder in 2014 when I was visiting my sister at university.  She was new to the app and advised me to download it.  I was in a relationship (well... kind of... it's a long story) at the time, but she said it didn't matter because it wasn't really about dating and after she helped me set up a profile (just for fun). I kind of understood the appeal and kept it.  I never really swiped right, and I definitely didn't message anyone if I did because, like I said, I was in a (kind of) relationship, but there is something weirdly entertaining about swiping through pictures of strangers.  Not just the photos, but the whole idea of the app is somewhat amusing.  The bios and the photos and stuff; some people are super weird and Tinder is their place to shine.

There's a certain amount of stigma attached to the app, probably due to the format - it is primarily about appearance - and for that reason has a reputation as a 'hook up' app.  I know of people who have found more through it, but most of the time I think it was kind of accidental, no one actually expects to find love through Tinder.  Most people that I know agree that Tinder is just for fun.  This could be for casual dates and hookups, but often people don't even go on dates they just use it as a way to pass the time.  I've had it on-and-off, for three years and only actually met two guys in person (a total of four dates between them).  Can't say it's lead to much, I mean barely consider it a dating app at this point.  Somehow, though, I managed to spend hours a day on it.

So what is the appeal?  Why was I so addicted to it?

Firstly, in some ways, I initially thought of it as kind of a confidence boost... for girls, anyway, because mostly we get matches.  We know that boys just swipe right for almost everybody, but it still feels good when you swipe and it instantly comes up as a match.  Another great thing about it is there's usually someone to talk to if you're bored and your friends are busy.  Sometimes it's just funny because of the cheesy lines, the weird bios and bizarre photos.  Honestly though, it's mainly a time passer and/or distraction and as soon as I realised this (which was way way late), it was time for it to go.

I thought I loved Tinder, I thought Tinder was great... but in reality, Tinder was boring and annoying, but strangely addictive and low-key ruining my life.  I suddenly found myself on it every time I checked my phone.  I wouldn't be swiping right at all most of the time, but I would spend hours a day on it.  I'd use up all my data because of this app.  I'd Tinder on the bus, I'd Tinder in the gym, I'd Tinder in my classes, I'd Tinder on nights out with friends.  I realised how bad it was when I was discussing deleting it with a friend and then five minutes later I was on it!  She mocked me and said I couldn't delete it, and that's when I realised I had to because I couldn't remember the last time I hung out with friends when I wasn't on Tinder at some point... and that's just rude, for a start, but also really tragic.  It kind of became my thing.

After realising what a huge part of my life Tinder had become, I really thought deleting my beloved 'dating' app would be difficult, but it wasn't... not even one bit and maybe this is why:

1. i got a decent sleep

I felt so relieved when I deleted it, it was like a break up waiting to happen!  You know when your ex walks out of the door and you know you never have to see them again?  It was like that, only better... because - in a way- I just broke up with over 200 guys.  Wow, putting it that way makes me sound like such a slut.

Obviously I wasn't talking to every single one of my matches, but that doesn't mean that the few I did interact with weren't causing me stress.  It's hard for a girl to keep up with 8-10 Tinder boys, plus four group chats, two friends in crisis, a mother in another country, two Instagrams, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, a mediocre blog, oh and you know, uni work and the gym and real life etc. all in one day!  Cutting out the multiple average-to-boring conversations I was having with people I didn't really care about (and to be honest, couldn't even keep up with or remember what I'd said to who) actually made a huge difference to how chill I felt.

I didn't think Tinder was affecting my sleep, and I'm sure it wasn't the only contributor because I'm not sleeping any better now, but I think the initial relief was enough to lull me into a blissful night's sleep for once... That's a win in my book.

2. i spent less time on my phone

I didn't realise how time consuming it was.  The problem with Tinder is that it's kind of endless... I say 'kind of' because I've run out of potential matches more than a few times, but it takes a while!  We're all victims of our phones every now and then, spending hours scrolling through Instagram or Facebook videos, but I've found that since I deleted Tinder I can check Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram pretty quickly and then put my phone away again.  I'm definitely not missing the zombie-swipe-state I was in where I was just getting frustrated with the low quality of men being presented to me (who I'm sure were lovely but I'm kind of on a man-hating mission at the moment and they were getting in the way of that).


3. several guys started creeping on me in real life instead

I don't know why this happened, but as soon as I decided I was deleting the app, creepy guys started appearing everywhere else in my real life instead.  Maybe they were always there and I just didn't notice them because I was too caught up in my phone, but the very same day I deleted it someone added me on Snapchat and offered to send me pictures of his '9-incher'... I can only assume he got a new ruler or something.  I also received weird DMs on Instagram and a homeless man tried to feel me up at a bus stop.


Not sure Tinder can be help responsible for this... unless there are some kind of Tinder Karma Gods out there or something.  That would be horrifying.

4. i felt more confident

I didn't expect this either, but I just generally felt better in myself.  It's weird because I wouldn't have thought I cared about the opinions of strangers on an app, and to be honest, most of the messages I received (but often ignored) were complimentary.  Things along the lines of "you're so cute" and "hey beautiful" but it was all kind of cringey and totally pointless anyway.  If you read my previous post about the benefits of being single, you'll know I'm not really looking for a relationship right now.  So, I have no intention of dating these people and I honestly don't care if they think my best pictures are pretty or not.  For that reason, it didn't make me feel any better about myself, because most people on Tinder are losers and start the conversation with a lame compliment, but it's not exactly meaningful and sincere.  Let's be honest, most guys on Tinder are looking for a casual fuck and most guys will casually fuck anything.  It's not like that makes me feel bad about myself, but it doesn't exactly make me feel good about myself.  Being a strong, independent, Tinderless woman makes me feel better about myself.

The other thing you don't really consider when you're on the app is that you're putting yourself there to be constantly judged.  You're actually asking strangers to accept or reject you... No thank you, app.  I have enough guys rejecting me in my real life, I don't need electronic rejections too.

5. i didn't miss it at all

This one shouldn't have been surprising, but it kind of was.  I thought I'd be reaching for it all the time, accidentally opening up the 'Health' app which now sits where Tinder used to, but that didn't happen.  I barely even think of it unless a friend mentions it, but even that doesn't lead me to want to re-download it.

It's been great only getting notifications when my real friends message me, instead of several times a day receiving 'Daniel sent you a new message' or 'You have Super Likes waiting for you'... Who's Daniel? I don't give a crap who Super Likes me!  Previous evidence suggests they wouldn't in real life anyway. HAHAHA. No... seriously.

But basically, I think deleting Tinder was one of the best decisions I've made all year and I think everyone should do it....


(but not really because I'd feel bad for whoever created it because fundamentally I think it's a great idea for an app just not really what I want right now at this stage in my life and maybe some day I'll get it back and find true love and how am I gonna do that if it's gone, nomsayin? Sit tight Tinder Bae, I'll be back for you.)