Let's Be Single Forever

(or until all our friends settle down and we're alone and realise we've made a huge mistake putting ourselves first all this time because now all the good guys are taken)

Obviously, due to being the attractive specimen that I am I had big plans on Valentine's Day, multiple date offers... Just kidding, the only thing in my life screaming "do me" was a huge pile of laundry and probably some reading that I've been neglecting.  I actually did get asked out (no really), but I didn't want to go on a first date on VDay because that would be weird, and also, I wanted to make that joke about laundry.

ANYWAY, despite all that and my man-hatery, I do love Valentine's Day...  Wait what? Yeah, I know.  I actually love love, just as long as I'm not in it.  I love all the cheesy gifts, I think they're hilarious, who doesn't want a lobster with "Pinch Me I Think I'm In Love" written on the side?  The problem is, I invariably get to celebrate it as it's supposed to be celebrated because I love being single..... Oh yeah, and no one would ever have a crush on me so... why would people buy me that stuff?

I don't know if it's possible to tell people that you're happily single - like really, really happy to be single - without it sounding like you desperately want a boyfriend... but please believe me when I say I am.  I actually don't care if you believe me, it's the truth either way.  Men can probably get away with saying they like being single without being accused of lying... double standards.  This is probably also a good time to point out that I don't love being single because I want to sleep with many, many men.  Men can get away with being happily single without being called sluts too... triple standards.

I just love being single and I'm good at being single and sometimes I worry that I'll end up alone because I'll be so busy being single that all the good ones will be taken.  I guess I could just steal a married man.... but that's kind of immoral.

Anyway, if you're one of those girls who spent vday watching The Notebook, drinking wine and crying... here's why you should've been celebrating instead!


1. you have more time to achieve goals and focus on yourself

I'm not saying you can't achieve goals in a relationship, I guess if you're with the right person and getting the right kind of support from them they can even help you with that.  I do believe that being by yourself gives you the space and freedom to realise what YOU really want!  Whether that's with work or travel or fitness, anything you do, you're doing it for yourself.  Which is great because who better to make happy than that voice in your head you have to spend all of your time with?  It's that classic "love yourself first" thing, ya know.

2. sisters before misters

Sometimes when you're in a relationship your significant other becomes your best friend... which is lovely... relationship wise!  But when that inevitably comes to an end and they realise you're an annoying mess and leave you for someone better, you're really going to need your friends.  Sometimes you forget how much you love them until then, which sucks, but the best ones stick around anyway because y'know we've all been stuck in a boy-bubble... Your friends are some of the most important people in your life and - as long as you're not a dick - they don't break up with you!  Being single gives you the time to really appreciate that and have those fun girly and paint each others toenails and have pillow fights in your underwear.  Lol jk... we literally never do that.



3. dat freedom though

You wanna go to that new Mexican restaurant? Oh but your boyfriend doesn't like Mexican food... Bummer.  Or you want to spend six weeks travelling around Europe? Dream job in Dubai? Spontaneous trip to Paris? Or the pub? Or the moon? Okay, not the moon... But seriously, a friend could call you up and be like "I'm going to South America for six months, wanna come?" and you'd only have to check with your bank balance.


4. more money for yourself

Relationships make you spend money, unless you're some kind of money-grabbing-gold-digging-hoe... which... you know... no judgement.  But sometimes in a relationship with all that equality and feminism and stuff, you end up going out more and spending money on your other half and buying them gifts for their birthday.  You don't have to do that if you're single.  In fact, it would be really, really weird if you started buying your ex presents...... don't do that.

5. less stress

Yeah, ten guys liked my selfie and who's gon' shout at me about it? Oh right, no one.  Who's gonna argue with you because you haven't seen them enough this week?  Probably your needy bestie, if you're lucky enough to have one... but it won't be your lame boyfriend.

6. no heartache

Being single means you don't have to fall asleep at night wondering whether that guy next to you will still want to be with you the next day.  I don't even have a joke here, not being in a relationship just seriously decreases your risk of heartbreak...



7. MY bed

OH MY GOD YAAAAS.  You get to take up all the space you like, you can stay on your phone or your laptop until 1am without worrying if someone else wants to go to sleep, you can wake up when you want, you don't have to worry about someone waking you up in the middle of the night to cuddle (eurhghh... although apparently some people like that?), you don't have to put up with anyone's bad morning breath, or getting kicked in your sleep, or punched in your sleep, or getting too hot because there's someone else in your bed.  Hello good sleep.

8. you get to pick the movie

Sometimes I just want to watch Bridget Jones, okay?  I don't need any complicated plot lines where I'm just going to be asking you what's going on half the time.



9. you don't sacrifice yourself

Not in a creepy voodoo way... but even good relationships take work and time and energy and compromise.  I honestly feel like I'm just too young to compromise what I want.  Being single gives you the chance to learn that you don't want to sacrifice yourself, preparing you to be in a relationship if/when you're ready for one.  I mean don't take it too far, compromise is a good thing, you don't want to lose the ability to do that, but you learn what's worth compromising and what isn't.

10. you learn to look after yourself

Being by yourself teaches you how to really take care of yourself.  You stop relying on someone else to bring you happiness and start finding it on your own.  You cheer yourself up when you're feeling down or you lean on your close friends and you realise you're okay by yourself.  You have to buy your own cough medicine and emergency tampons and soup... actually that part kind of sucks, but not nearly as much as becoming reliant on someone else and then having to work out how to do it all over again.

11. you can laugh at yourself for being single

This is legit one of my favourite things to do.  I don't actually think anyone else finds it as funny as I do, but I still think it's hilarious.  What you do is every time you do sometime awkward/unsexy/weird (basically everything I do), you say "oh my god, why am I single?" or "I can't believe no one will date me" or "yeah, this is why I'll be alone forever".

It's funny, people laugh... I laugh.  Maybe other people don't laugh, I wouldn't be able to tell over the sound of my own laughing.



12. dating is fun

Dating is so much fun, provided you don't fall for a douchebag and get your heart crushed over and over whilst telling them that you're chill, down for whatever, have no real feelings for them ahahaha *cries*.

Seriously though, you can talk to as many guys as you like, you don't have to worry about anyone getting jealous, you can go on dates, hook up with handsome strangers you meet on holiday, get dinner bought for you every now and then... no strings attached.  Should I again point out that I'm not a slut?  I'm just noting your options here.

On the other hand, you could find yourself being disappointed by multiple men...  Probably more likely... That is the risk you take.

13. TINDER

I genuinely don't understand why anyone wouldn't want Tinder, it's so entertaining.  Is it okay to keep Tinder even when you're in a relationship?  Probably not...


14. you can still believe in happily ever after

Even though you're having the best time of your life, you can still believe that one day someone is going to sweep you off your feet and it will be at just the right time and it will be uncomplicated and perfect and fun... and you won't have any regrets!